Chapter 11 finds the author in a highly integrated middle school where he hopes to attach the two sides of his world together. Little does he realize that with a highly multicultural school comes a good degree of racism. Conley talks about his desire to be called "nigger" by his friends at school and at home in the projects. He hears his Black and Puerto Rican friends call each other by this name and wants to use it himself but decides, for whatever reason, he can't. He does, however, have one friend named Marcus that does call him "nigga" and this is the author's response "Every time he applied the word to me I relished the sound of it, as I might savor an exotic delicacy. This word, more than any other cultural term or practice, continued to separate me from my neighbors back home. They all referred to each other by this term, whereas I substituted the word man,as in, "Yo, what's up man?" Several times the n-word perched on the edge of my tongue like a diver, ready to leap off. I so desperately wanted to say it" (Conley, 2000, p. 123)
Conley also realizes that because he's white, he's spared physical punishments that his black friends endure. There was a cafeteria incident where both Conley and his friend Marcus were flinging food. They were caught by a teacher and Marcus was hit on the head by a microphone leaving him with welts and bumps on his head. Conley received no physical punishment and figured out it was because of his skin color.
This chapter shows the two worlds Conley inhabits. On one side he wants to be black so he can fit in with everyone from the projects and on the other side he's accepting the gift of being white to avoid physical punishment at his school. He can't have it both ways but it seems that's how he's living.
Chapter 12
Chapter 12 brings a small amount of economic prosperity to the family as Ellen, Conley's mom, sells her book Soho Madonna. His mom splurges and purchases leather coats for herself and Conley's dad, and then takes the family on a trip to Columbia. Conley talks about having to eat powdered soup and canned beans in the hotel room with his sister while his parents partake in all you can eat buffets. His mom and dad would return to the hotel room with some food for Conley and his sister, but the children's primary source of food was what they brought from home in the way of canned goods and powdered food.
Two things made a big impression on young Conley; the level of poverty in Columbia and the frequency with which guns were brandished and used daily. Conley was accustomed to seeing beggers in New York City but the children starving on the streets, people sleeping and dying on the curbs, and the homeless oozing with open soars in Columbia really upset him. Suddenly he didn't think his life was so bad in NYC and maybe he was lucky to have what he had. The gun issue, however, was something not so easy to justify away because in Conley's mind the villagers seemed very docile, as compared to the semi automatic weapons the government officials wore on their shoulders day after day.
Once the family returned from Columbia his father accepted a part time job that morphed into two full days a week. Conley's dad deeply resented doing this type of work as his "true" calling was that of an artist and a gambler. He still managed to squeeze one full day a week at the race track, but never got over the assault on his integrity because true artists starved or sold their creations; they didn't work.
In this chapter the author comes away with the feeling that the family's economic situation has improved and they no longer had to scrounge for half-used pencils or half sheets of paper for homework. Unfortunately this new found economic prosperity only helped to deepen the divide between himself and his peers in the projects. Upward mobility in the projects…comments?
It's impressive how insightful Conley was in middle school concerning cultural and racial issues. I wonder what it was that made him understand that it was different (and not so acceptable) for him to use the n-word. And also to know that it was his race that kept him from receiving harsh punishments. Maybe skin color seems obvious, but for such a young person, I still think it's impressive. I don't think I would have been so in touch with social issues at that age, but I think that highlights how Conley's upbringing caused him to perhaps face these issues at a young age and, basically, grow up fast.
ReplyDeleteI think upward mobility in the projects would be tough, especially on Conley. He now has multiple advantages over his peers, and he recognizes this. And, I'm sure, over time, his peers will be less accepting of him, because he has "more", and he is "white", so I feel they will want to kick him out of the projects. I don't have much experience with situations like this, so these are just my thoughts. But, I also think that many people stay in the projects for one reason or another. Not that it's easy, by any means to stay. I just think it's much harder for them to move up and still be accepted.
ReplyDeleteThe story about Conley wanting to be called "nigga" made me think of how often I see white boys who appear to mimic black culture with the clothes they wear, the music they listen to, the slang they use...sometimes I even hear them calling each other "nigga." Although I rather doubt they would use that term with a black person their own age who wasn't part of their social group. These kids have all the advantages of being white, but strive to imitate black culture...wonder why?
ReplyDeleteSandy
Powerful chapter and discussion of a topic that doesn't seem to have changed much since Conley's childhood. And, although I can't stand the n-word maybe I'm not in a position to make that decision for others. On a side note, I can't believe the parents went out to eat on vacation and leff the kids to eat canned food in the hotel room . . . so sad.
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